I will not glow in the dark afterall

I'm a little delinquent in updating everyone with regard to radiation. As of now, there is no evidence that I need to have it. YAY! The doctor I met with, Dr. Pelton, felt that since there are no microscopic signs of cancer in my lymph nodes and we will never know if it existed prior to chemo, there's no sense putting me through radiation. However, I just squeaked by. Had my tumor been 5 cm or more then radiation would have been a certainty. But since it was approx 4 cm...I passed.

The appointment with Dr. Pelton did yield some interesting information that I am really grateful to have received. I now know that there is still a chance of local re-occurrence. So here I thought by having a skin sparring mastectomy I eliminated my chance of that happening, in actuality, the skin isn't scrapped clean of breast tissue.... a rind is left behind and it is in this rind that the cancer can re-occur.

Kind of a bummer...perhaps I would have chosen a normal mastectomy vs. skin sparring had I known previously. The upside of this is that if it happens the cancer will grow up toward my skin and is usually represented by flat red patches. It's easy to see. So that's good. And now I know what to look for. Dr. Pelton said that red means red alert...and to get my butt to Dr. Kovach's should I see any red spots on my skin.

So if you catch me checking out my chest, I'm not admiring my new physique...I'm looking for red spots :)

Whoa, I suddenly have 'boobs' again.

Albeit temporary boobs. What a trip. I was kind of getting used to this flat chested thing...but today...after my second expansion there's a marked difference. The plastic surgeon injected 100cc's (compared to 60 last time). So far, I just feel some mild pressure, but I fully expect to be pretty sore tomorrow.

I have to say, I figured I would have a hard time with the mastectomy...but in reality (pain aside) it's been refreshing. I look so much thinner and I can button up my shirts and coats. So now I'm of two minds about reconstruction. On one hand I'm looking forward to it so I don't look like such a mangled mess. On the other....well...I can't make up my mind about how large I end up going. Very confusing, and I need to make up my mind soon.

Bummer...

I saw my oncologist, Dr. Kovach today. While I've tried to be very upbeat about the pathology results post surgery, I will admit to being disappointed that there was still active cancer found. I suppose that's natural, right? Well, Dr. Kovach was also disappointed...which really didn't do much for my attitude. I think this is the first time I've really felt at all defeated.

Wait, don't worry. I'm not saying that I fear the cancer will come back. Okay, yes that is what I'm saying. What I mean is, is that I am still certain that I have beaten this thing...but it would have been nice to be able to say that chemo killed it all, consequently, I could be fairly certain that any stray cancer spore's that were roaming through my body are also gone. Now as it stands....we can't be sure.

With all that said, Dr. Kovach still says on the spectrum of good to bad, I am on the good side. He has seen patients who's tumors haven't shrunk at all. Mine did. At least by 50%. Perhaps more. It's just not the perfect outcome he'd hoped for. And he did confirm that at this point I don't need a second round of chemo. Phew! Especially since I had my port removed during surgery.

So next Tuesday I am meeting with an Oncology Radiologist to make sure I don't need radiation. Originally I assumed that if my lymph nodes came back negative for cancer (which they did as we all know) that eliminated the need for radiation. For the most part it still does, however, Dr. Kovach wants to just make sure. He's not pushing for it, but feels like he needs to have all bases covered first.

Anyway, radiation would screw up my reconstruction schedule....and force the plastic surgeons to rapidly expand me. That equals OUCH! Typically implants are not done on patients who require radiation. Since that's my only option...well...there's pretty much only one way this can go in my mind.

I also picked up Tamoxifin...the drug that I'll be on for the next five years. I can start at any time. I'm debating whether I begin taking it this week while I'm still off of work, or wait a while longer until more of the lingering effects from surgery wear off....

Next week will be a busy one. I go back to work on Monday, at least for part of the day. I anticipate needing to ease back into it slowly. Tuesday with the radiation folks, and Friday will be my first post surgical expansion. Should be interesting. I guess the fun is far from over.

Surgery and beyond...

Sorry for the delay! This week has been spent slowing acclimating myself to typing. I started checking my work email on Monday and quickly overdid it. Who knew that typing put so much strain on your chest muscles?

Before I chronicle the past two weeks, I have to thank everyone for all the well wishes, cards, flowers, food and help. I've been saying this since last September, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything, and am totally flummoxed. I can't figure out what I've done to deserve such an outpouring of support from so many wonderful people! I will do my best to thank everyone by name (a nerve-wracking task, since I'm sure I'll miss someone) in my next post dedicated to my Hero's.

So here we go:

Thursday Feb 3
It was an early morning, as Cory and I had to be to the UW Surgery Pavilion by 6:30. Lucky for me, I was not allowed to wear any lotion or make up, and without hair, getting ready was easy. Unlucky for Cory was that I also could not eat or drink anything. The lack of caffeine coupled with slight nerves made for a crabby Amber. One minute I snapped at her and sent her away, only to then realize that I wasn't going to be allowed back to the waiting room, so I had a nurse fetch her so she could keep tabs on where I was. Sorry Cork. I wasn't thinking straight.

Prior to surgery I had to have my lymph nodes mapped. Cory and I were shuffled to another part of the hospital. This was a pretty simple procedure where radioactive contrast dye was injected into a very sensitive part of my right breast. After a wait of 45 minutes photos were taken and a geiger counter-type of device was used to identify the sentinal nodes and mark their position on my skin. This was for a biopsy during surgery. The sentinal nodes would then be sent to a lab with my breast tissue to determine whether my cancer had metastasized or not.

After mapping, and winding my way back to where I started, it was on to pre-op where I met up with Kevin and Cory. I received the lovely gown that I'd wear for the next 2 days, the exact nature of my surgery was recounted over and over.

(Sidebar for those who aren't entirely sure what I had done: Bilateral skin sparring mastectomy with tissue expanders installed)

Then there was the insertion of the IV. I hate needles to begin with, especially IVs. After 4 attempts to thread it, I finally asked if they could use my port (which was going to be removed during the procedure). The anesthesiologist agreed and decided to start the IV after I was out so not to torture me. Apparently it's not uncommon for chemo patients to have what he called "spastic veins".

I can't go into much detail from here on out. After a short discussion about the lovely shade of nail polish I was wearing and what I do for a living, I remember saying that I'll be a sleep any second. Then I remember being wheeled to my room with Dad in tow. By the time we got to my room Cory, Kevin, Sue and Mariah were already there. Then I told everyone to stop talking. Obviously I was still crabby!

At this point it was all about the pain.

I have an intolerance to opiate-based pain meds. So early on (and from my standpoint things are hazy) I wasn't given much for the pain. I recall spending the majority of the day only on Tylenol. Not fun. It wasn't until my surgeon came by to see me later in the evening that he mentioned that my nurse thought a muscle relaxer would help and he set my mind at ease on trying oxycodone. He promised that they'd manage the vomiting with anti-emetics. I agreed and the nurses spent all night and half of the next day trying to break through my pain and get me on a good path.

That first night was pretty bad, my nurse checked on my constantly = no sleep, but managed to miraculously get me out of bed to the bathroom. Wow, that was not fun. That first nurse, Cara and the woman who relieved her, Maureen, were awesome. They really got things under control. That is until Challie (pronounced Shelly) took over. She managed to single handedly screw everything up, which forced me to spend a second night in the hospital.

Saturday February 5
Kevin arrived at 7 am to help Cory get me to the car and into the house. Cork was a little late (she went grocery shopping for me first). But it didn't matter, the doctor's didn't come by until nearly 10:00. At this point I was doing really well again, on a good med schedule and ready to get out of there. With Cory's help I'd gotten dressed, had shoes on, eaten, and removed a strange adhesive thing that Kevin noticed behind my ear.

By noon, I was in a wheel chair and on my way out.

No sooner had we reached the lobby and the vomiting started. What the hell? Two nights in hospital and nothing. We left anyway. It was a very painful ride home. More yelling and snapping at Cory for driving too fast over bumps.

Home at last. Cory with Kevin's help, got me settled on the couch, propped with pillows. And more throwing up. No more oxy. Hello pain.

Monday, February 7
Remember that adhesive thing that I removed from behind my ear? Yeah. Well that was a super strong, prescription-strength anti-emetic that was put on during surgery. THAT is why I didn't get sick in the hospital. The minute it came off, the oxycodone did exactly what I feared. It made me sick. Upon calling the surgery advice line, Cory lucked out and got one of the residents who was present during my procedure. The first thing she asked was if I still had the patch behind my ear. Aha! A prescription was called in, a run to the drugstore, and all was restored, pain dulled. Until....

Tuesday February 8
A lovely rash appears on my stomach. This is cause for my doctor's to immediately take me off of the oxy. Here we go again. The resident called in a new script for me, but after picking it up, Cory opted to not give it to me as it was another opiate.

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It's now 15 days post surgery, I've been hanging in there with a heavy dose of Tylenol and the muscle relaxer. Things are definitely better every day and in contrast to last week...leaps and bounds better!

Cory stayed with me for the first week and had the toughest job. Not only did she have to wait on me, keep on top of my meds, but she also had to change dressings and clean the drains I had installed. She really had her hands full and did an excellent job with a super cranky sister as a patient. I am so thankful she was up for the challenge.

Erika relieved Cory one week after my surgery. She and Kevin took me to the first check up where I got the drains removed and found out that my lymph nodes are clear of cancer (which means no radiation!). They did find one 1.6 cm active tumor in my right breast, but that is significantly reduced from what I started with. All indications point to having a good response to chemo, and with wide clear margins from surgery, I'm well on my way to being cancer free.

Erika stayed with me from Thursday the 10th until Sunday when my mom took her turn to take care of me for a few days, and Erika is now back again until this Sunday.

This past Tuesday I had a check up with the plastic surgeon. My incisions are healing really nicely...she was amazed at how fast I heal and even more amazed that I've been recovering without narcotic pain meds. To be honest, it hasn't been easy, but compared to that first night, it's been a breeze.

Moving forward, I have my first expansion on March 4, then every other Friday until April 15. The plastic surgeon assured me that expansions are way easier than what I'm going through now. It'll feel like I just worked out too hard. That was a relief to hear. I was starting to wish I'd been born flatter chested so I wouldn't have to go through this!

At any time I can decide that I'm big enough and stop. Or on April 15 if I'm not happy we can continue. Once I'm satisfied I have another surgery to swap the hard plastic expanders for nice soft implants. The remainder of the summer will be punctuated with smaller procedures and I should be done by August/September.

On the medical side of things, I have an appointment with my oncologist to start laying out my maintenance schedule. It will include a pill everyday for 5 years and, to start, blood tests every 3 months.

More fun to come, I'm sure!

Twas the night before surgery

...and I have to thank everyone for the emails, texts, phone calls and Facebook messages of good thoughts! You all are awesome and I am so thankful to have such wonderful, caring friends and family. Oh and a belated thank you to Suzanne for organizing a happy hour "toast for the ta ta's" outing last week with some co-workers/friends. I had a blast and really appreciate everyone getting together for the big send off.

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The most challenging part of the today was making sure I had everything taken care of and covered at work! It's been a wild week getting ready this, I can't help but think I forgot something. I finally just had to leave, otherwise I would have worked until 10:00 pm again. Why is it that four weeks sounds like such a long time, when normally it goes by in a blink?

I ended the day on a high note with a massive sushi dinner (thanks Kev!), my first bite of sushi since September 29! Yes, I have been longing for sushi since that day.

Okay, time to get things ready for the morning. I check in at the UW Surgery Pavilion at 6:30 am. I'll log back on with an update of how things went as soon as I can. I know it will be fine...hell I may even surprise everyone and show up at work on Monday. (Kidding Cari...I promise I'll take at least a week off ;)

Until then...

Next step...surgery

February 3 is the target date for surgery. EECK. Now that I'm here, I'm getting nervous. Actually now that I have more information (thanks in part to Google), I'm freaked out. This is a way, way, way bigger deal than I initially realized.

My surgeon, Dr. Byrd, is recommending that I take a six week leave of absence from work. I'm hoping that it'll only be 3-4. Roughly a week after surgery I'll have the pathology report back. That'll tell us whether there is cancer present in my lymph nodes. Fingers crossed there isn't. Once that is determined then I can start moving forward with the next stage of treatment and reconstruction.

Stay tuned folks...the fun isn't over yet! And thanks for hanging in there with me.

One week after chemo

Yes, last Friday I finished up the first step of treatment. My last day of chemo was pretty uneventful. The tingling in my toes hadn't gotten any worse, and even though I developed a bit of tingling in the tip of my right index finger, Dr. Kovach saw no reason to extend things.

I will say that it was an odd feeling leaving the transfusion room for the last time. I'm not sad about it, but it's been such a constant part of my life for the past several months. I was told early on by doctors and other cancer patients that depression is a common occurrence after treatment concludes. Patients become so accustom to having all eyes on them, that once they're "back to normal" and no one is paying attention to them any longer, that it's hard for some to take. At the time I thought that was the most ridiculous thing I've heard. But now I can see how that may happen. Like I've said all along...I'm looking forward to talking about the weather at some point!

I have to thank Kevin, Mariah and Erika for ending chemo with me...and it's fitting...they're the one's who started it with me! We came full circle.

The end (of chemo) is nigh

Treatments six and seven are under my belt! Only one to go, hopefully. More on that in a sec.

Chemo number six continued the trend that began with the switch to Taxol. This time instead of Benadryl, I was given Claritin which made it a piece of cake. This round was really uneventful. Down right boring. Literally...three and a half hours of snoozeville. The only break in the monotony was needing to wheel the IV to the bathroom every twenty minutes.

As they say nothing is free. While I don't have the nausea and fatigue that came with the Adriamyacin and Cytoxin, I now have hot flashes and mild neuropathy to look forward to. I suppose I can deal with both, but it's hard being only 40 and going through menapausal symptoms.

My All-stars for this round are:
Rod for pinch hitting and taking me to chemo at the last minute!
Cari for bringing me super, awesome comfort food!
Kirsti for soup, picking up dog crap and cleaning up my storm ravaged yard :)

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I was a bit nervous that round seven would be postponed yesterday. Unfortunately I picked up a doozy of a cold on Christmas and the fear was that my blood counts would be too low for me to have treatment. Luckily that wasn't the case and chemo went off without a hitch. Almost.

As I said I have some neuropathy. To explain further, it is a tingling and numbness in the extremities. Mild cases can take several months to a year to go away after chemo. More severe symptoms can remain permanently. My oncologist was very adamant early on that I tell him immediately if I felt anything, especially in my hands...as that could interfere with my job. So far I'm only experiencing it in my toes and at times my feet feel like they're asleep.

Dr. Kovach and I discussed several options. One being a new chemo drug...which would likely make me really nauseous and fatigued. A second option was to split my last two treatments into 6 smaller weekly doses. I managed to talk him into letting me move forward status quo with the promise that I will tell him if the neuropathy gets worse over the next two weeks, in which case I'll have to take one of the other options.

Fingers crossed...

My thanks this week go out to Ray for putting up with the three hours of boredom, to Erica Jorgensen for the awesome quinoa salad, and finally to my baby sister Erika for cleaning the house (and poor Mugsy, who really needs a bath).

In the words of Louis Armstrong...

It's been a few weeks since I've posted, and there is a lot to talk about.

Let me start off with the amazing, humbling and awesome night of December 12.

My cousin John, his wife Laura, several of their friends, family and their staff at Mor Mor Bistro and Bar in Poulsbo, put together a charity wine auction. Every year they give so much to very deserving organizations through their auctions, this year I was fortunate to be the beneficiary of their generosity to help offset my medical bills.

I can't express just how awe inspiring the evening was. I was a bit nervous at first...it's still hard for me to accept help and I thought I'd be uncomfortable being the center of attention, the last thing I wanted was to be known or seen as poor cancer girl. But it wasn't like that. It was a really fun evening, and I met a lot of wonderful people, several of whom are cancer survivors themselves. And no one looked at me as if I were to be pitied. Of course, Dad was there too...so some of that attention could be diverted toward him :)

The best part was that I was able to split the proceeds with the Washington State Council of Firefighters Burn Foundation. As most of you know, the burn foundation is one of my freelance clients. Rod Heivilin, executive director, has worked so very hard to raise money for burn research and to help children with burn injuries.

I'll never be able to thank everyone involved enough—from those who donated rare and expensive wines, gift baskets and other auction items, to those who came and opened their hearts and wallets, to my family and friends who braved the monsoon. I'd love to name everyone individually but there are too many. Just know that if you were there, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Most of all John, Laura, and their staff.

At the end of the evening, $12,000 was raised.

It's a wonderful world.

(and do me a favor, if you're near Poulsbo, grab a bite to eat at Mor Mor. They're at the east end of Front Street downtown :)

I interrupt this regularly scheduled program...

Before I get into how my last treatment went, I'd like to take a minute to remember my Grandpa Jim, who passed away the day after Thanksgiving.

It's been really tough coming to terms with the fact that he's not around any more. As those who knew him are well aware he was a larger than life individual. Literally. 6'5" and looked like John Wayne. He was a tough guy externally but a softy deep down.

In his younger days, he was pretty....well....he could hard to deal with (so I've heard), but as a grandfather, I have nothing but wonderful memories. I never gave him a hug, but upon leaving any visit he's roughly point at his cheek and in his big gruff voice demand a 'kip'.

He loved to impart nicknames on the people he cared about. I am Amfat. Or Abber on occasion.

He was massively overprotective. I can still hear him telling me to stay away from the deck railing, not to go down the basement stairs, to be careful petting Bad Kitty and do not under any circumstance go near Rebel (one of my grandparents dogs). Speaking of dogs, I'm pretty sure I inherited my love for the canine from him and my grandma. Rebel, Sandy, Rusty, Rosie (or Ruffles and Rosledosel...even the dogs got nicknames), Rocky, Penny and many more. He loved to tell wildly improbable stories, have fun and enjoy life. He survived lung cancer in his 70s and at the end never gave up.

This is only a blip of the person he was. It would take a novel the size of War and Peace to really do him justice.

It's now a week after his memorial and while the distractions of work and dealing with cancer keep my mind elsewhere, I can't help but tear up again everytime I look at his photos hanging in my hallway.

I miss you Grandpa.

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Chemo number five was the easiest by far. The only uncomfortable thing about it was the Benadryl that I was given via IV beforehand. Instead of knocking me out, it made me tired but wired and jumpy at the same time. I knew there was a reason I never take stuff like that. The main reason for an antihistamine is that the majority of people on Taxol have an allergic reaction in the form of massive itchy. Next week my oncologist is going to try out Claritin with me instead.

Overall I felt pretty normal. Appetite is still good (too good) and while some side effects have changed it's at the moment totally manageable.

And now to the part we've all been waiting for, my hero's of the week!

Kevin for taking me to chemo again and playing chauffeur. It was a long day.
Mariah for hanging out with us at chemo and for my bag of goodies!
Cory for spending the weekend with me and being a great nurse.

Hero's of the Midway

So I'm at the mid point of chemo now....and DONE with AC which also includes no more driving back to Bellevue Monday mornings for Nuelasta shots! Yay! Hopefully things just get better and better from here on out.

And now for my super hero's of the week!

Barb. Since this is Harry Potter week...thank you again for the wand and making sure I have all the extra magic in my life as possible. So looking forward to catching up next week.

Kevin & Mariah for once again keeping me occupied during chemo. And thank you Kev, for playing chauffeur. It was a long day, and I really appreciate it.

Bruce & Steph. Thank you for hanging out and putting your weekend aside to keep an eye on me and spoil me :)

Almost to the halfway point

This Friday will mark the mid way point for chemo! I'm counting on this next one to go as smoothly and easily as the last one. With the exception of one day I felt remarkably good. I'm not sure if I'm just getting used to things or if it's having acupuncture immediately following treatment, whatever the reason it was a welcome relief!

So bring on the last round of Cytoxin and Adriamyacin...I'll be happy to see you two in my rear-view mirror. The last four rounds are of Taxol, which I've heard that most people tolerate much better than the others. Fingers crossed!

My friends and family rock!

I need to start a public thank you for my All-Stars of the week.

I'm continually humbled by the thoughtfulness and generosity of the people I know. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I associated with the best people on the planet....but still, you are all pretty amazing.

Since I'm a month late in starting this, I have some making up to do!

My hero's this week (and month) are:

Cory, Erika, Mariah, Kevin, Cari, John & Laura, Bruce & Steph, Aunt Patty & Uncle Mark, Kirstin, Mom, Dad, Sue, Cameron, Kirsti, Corrie, Rod, Linnaea, Heidi and Heidi.

Thank you all for the support, food, help with house work....EVERYTHING!!

And more to come next week. I need to start thinking of a way to make it up to everyone when this is all over :)

Tough morning...

This morning has been a hard one, for a number of reasons. The first...I'm a bit sad since I should be getting on a plane to Europe today. I know, I know...just postponed. Still, it hit me.

Number two: my scalp is really sore and tender...a sign that my hair will be falling out any day. It's a strange feeling to have your hair hurt. Hard to explain.

And finally number three: I'm feeling really sick and super fatigued this morning. It's a bit frustrating since Friday was better than the previous week, and Saturday was okay...but I started to go downhill last night. I'm sure it has a lot to do with how hard it's been to get water down this weekend. So now I'm trying to suck down the Pedialyte as fast as I can.

Ouch, late breaking news....I just scratched my head and a bunch of hair came out :( Boy as prepared as I thought I was for this... sucks, I guess this is really happening. Thinking if I have enough energy today, I'll take some scissors to it and cut it to the scalp.

So far so good

This past week was a good one, I felt completely myself, which was a huge relief. Originally I anticipated that I'd be feeling less than normal for the entire duration of treatment. Now I know that I'll only have one bad week and then one good week before it starts again.

Friday, my oncologist was surprised and a bit dismayed at how sick I got and how quickly it happened after my first treatment, but I learned a lot, in how I think it best to manage the nausea. It seems to have worked, this time was much easier...the nausea, while always on the verge of being present, hasn't gotten a foothold. The fatigue however, is still an issue. Tomorrow I have acupuncture and that has helped considerably.

Even though he was not happy about the nausea, Dr. Kovach mentioned that my blood work looked good this week which indicates that my body is handling the chemo quite well. So I guess that's good. It still sucks though :)

This past week brought a tiny triumph for me. No...not my 40th birthday...It was my first week wearing the wig to work. It completely fooled all who don't know I have cancer! In fact, on Monday I was at Seattle Cancer Care for an appointment with a nutritionist, while in the elevator a woman complimented me on my hair. My first response was "too bad it's not mine." I don't think she understood what I meant and made a couple additional comments to which I replied "today is the first day I'm sporting it". She took that to mean I had just gotten my hair cut and colored. "Nope" I told her, "I'm a patient here...this is a wig". The look on her face was priceless. I think she was about to hit the floor...her jaw certainly did! I finally had to tell her how much I appreciated her comments. It was pretty nervous wearing it in on Monday.

I still need to condition myself to not play with it (feels like I'm wearing a hat). I think once all my hair is gone and the wig gets taped to my head will help with comfort. Right now it's held in with clips that kind of pull at my hair and doesn't allow it to fit quite properly.

So that's were I am to date. Two down. Six to go. Man I can't wait for January 14th to get here.

Now I remember why I grew my hair long...

The final product, with wig...errr, I mean, full cranial prosthesis.





Mid way as Jamie cut off the bob created from the removal of the ponytail



No turning back now! Think I'll donate it to Locks of Love.



Before. In hindsight, I should have styled it, or my version of, for the last time.

Okay, so it's done! I now have short hair...at least for another week. I had my friend and hair stylist, Jamie, do what ever it is she's always wanted to do to my hair...because up til now I wouldn't let her do more than trim it and color. By the evening I was "back to normal" with long hair. The wig looks awesome and is exactly as my hair looks after a trim and color. So excited about it and it's definitely worth the cost.

I am a little nervous about it staying put on my head especially at work. I noticed I have a tendency to keep, pulling it down like I do with hats. Need to be careful of that :)

I have to thank my niece Linnaea. This morning she told me I looked cool with my short hair, earrings and the outfit I wore to the pumpkin farm. Even if Cory paid her to say that, it was cute none-the-less, and I appreciate her saying it. It's strange how attached one can be to hair. I knew it was one of the things that made me "me" but the extent of which is surprising...I still don't feel like myself and looking in the mirror is a weird experience. I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I'm certain that when this is all said and done I'll be growing it long again.

Next step, bald. EECK.

1 down, 7 to go

Hey Everybody! This is Cory, Amber's guest blogger for the day. Amber had a successful chemotherapy treatment yesterday. Kevin took her there and brought her back, then Erika was waiting for them at Amber's house when they got back around 1:30. She was doing pretty good, but felt like fresh air helped her feel better. Amber and Erika took a walk with Peko and it ended up being a long walk. By the time they were done Amber was not feeling very well. That is when I showed up, around 5:40. She just kept getting worse and worse. Finally around 8:30 we decided she had had enough and so we gave her the anti-nausea meds plus a sleeping pill. The sleeping pill made her feel super terrible but within minutes she was asleep. The doctor said to let her sleep and not wake her up to give her medication but people I talked to who have been through this before said to wake her up. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, not knowing to wake or no wake but what ended up happening was that she woke up on her own exactly at the right time to take her medication. She went right back to sleep and woke up in the morning exactly at the right time again. That was easy! Today has been great. Amber is super tired and has been taking it easy. She is a great patient and is now, as she says, "toxic"! This definitely is a team effort and I'm so grateful for everybody who have been helping out.

T-minus 10 days til bald

Last Wednesday I was able to try on the two wigs I ordered at William Collier Design. My anticipation was palpable as she started to place the first (and least expensive) option on my head.... Wawawaaaaaa. Oh man it looked like a bad wig. Bummer. Auditions for Hairspray anyone?

Now for option 2. Here it goes, man I hope this looks good.... Ahhhhhahhhhhh. Yes! It was hard to tell where my bangs ended and the wig began. Of course the "luxury" wig is going to be the one! I had to thank William Collier's wife, it was her idea to order this one just in case. It really does look like my own hair when I walk out of a salon. So the upside to this all...a year plus of perpetually shampoo-commercial-worthy hair!

So now, a week from Wednesday (which would've been just shy of two weeks after first treatment and typically when hair starts to go) I go in for a hair 'appointment'. They'll shave my head, if I want, then do the 'cut in' on the wig. I walk in with hair and out with new hair.

Psych!

Friday started off as expected. Lisa and I headed to Overlake at 9:00 for my 10 am check-in and got right into my room, even though they weren't quite ready. The expectation was that I'd be prepped for the port surgery and have to hang out for 2 hours before the procedure at noon. My friend Mariah arrived just after I got into the beautiful hospital gown and then the waiting began. Luckily I had all that company because the surgery before mine was taking longer than expected which meant that I would not be done in time to start chemo. Ready. Set. Wait.

On one hand, I was relieved (Mariah was really concerned about be doing both on the same day) but at the same time, I was mentally prepared to get things rolling. After conferring with the nurse I decided to continue with the port surgery and start chemo next Friday. My options were to go on Monday...which wouldn't work as I have arranged my schedule to do it on Friday's...or to get dressed and have chemo that day and the port the following week.

After talking to Cory, I apparently made the correct choice. Had I started on Friday, the way it scheduled out, I would've ended up having chemo on Christmas Eve...now...it's New Year's Eve. I usually stay home that night anyway, so no worries.

Back to Friday. Finally at 1:30, just as Kevin was calling to find my room, they wheeled me away.
I woke up at one point during the procedure to tell the surgeon "ow, that kind of hurt." He laughed and said "I thought you were asleep." "I was" I replied, "but I just woke up." Next thing I knew I was waking up again as they were wheeling me out.

I have two incisions on my left chest. The smaller higher one was to thread the catheter, and the larger one was used to create a pocket for the port. It's a very strange hard bump in my chest with three little nodules that act as guides for where the needle gets placed each time for chemo.

Here I thought I was going to look like Borg with an external, visible piece of hardware, but it's all under the skin. Very odd looking.

I'm sore. The incisions are looking good, but sting a bit, and there is some pain in my shoulder and along my collarbone. I found that I need to be careful to not flex my neck muscles or chest wall otherwise...ouch! Overall it's not unbearable. I'm still icing but am laying off the Tylenol now.

Darn, I'm not a mutant.

I also received the results of the genetic BRAC test. I do not carry the marker that makes me susceptible, if you will, to breast or ovarian cancer. Being that there isn't a family history it's not surprising...but I thought perhaps, I was a mutant and may have super powers :)

This is really good news for Cory and Erika, and for myself...I don't have to worry about ovarian cancer down the road.

I guess this whole thing is a fluke. Lucky me!