I interrupt this regularly scheduled program...

Before I get into how my last treatment went, I'd like to take a minute to remember my Grandpa Jim, who passed away the day after Thanksgiving.

It's been really tough coming to terms with the fact that he's not around any more. As those who knew him are well aware he was a larger than life individual. Literally. 6'5" and looked like John Wayne. He was a tough guy externally but a softy deep down.

In his younger days, he was pretty....well....he could hard to deal with (so I've heard), but as a grandfather, I have nothing but wonderful memories. I never gave him a hug, but upon leaving any visit he's roughly point at his cheek and in his big gruff voice demand a 'kip'.

He loved to impart nicknames on the people he cared about. I am Amfat. Or Abber on occasion.

He was massively overprotective. I can still hear him telling me to stay away from the deck railing, not to go down the basement stairs, to be careful petting Bad Kitty and do not under any circumstance go near Rebel (one of my grandparents dogs). Speaking of dogs, I'm pretty sure I inherited my love for the canine from him and my grandma. Rebel, Sandy, Rusty, Rosie (or Ruffles and Rosledosel...even the dogs got nicknames), Rocky, Penny and many more. He loved to tell wildly improbable stories, have fun and enjoy life. He survived lung cancer in his 70s and at the end never gave up.

This is only a blip of the person he was. It would take a novel the size of War and Peace to really do him justice.

It's now a week after his memorial and while the distractions of work and dealing with cancer keep my mind elsewhere, I can't help but tear up again everytime I look at his photos hanging in my hallway.

I miss you Grandpa.

*************************

Chemo number five was the easiest by far. The only uncomfortable thing about it was the Benadryl that I was given via IV beforehand. Instead of knocking me out, it made me tired but wired and jumpy at the same time. I knew there was a reason I never take stuff like that. The main reason for an antihistamine is that the majority of people on Taxol have an allergic reaction in the form of massive itchy. Next week my oncologist is going to try out Claritin with me instead.

Overall I felt pretty normal. Appetite is still good (too good) and while some side effects have changed it's at the moment totally manageable.

And now to the part we've all been waiting for, my hero's of the week!

Kevin for taking me to chemo again and playing chauffeur. It was a long day.
Mariah for hanging out with us at chemo and for my bag of goodies!
Cory for spending the weekend with me and being a great nurse.

Hero's of the Midway

So I'm at the mid point of chemo now....and DONE with AC which also includes no more driving back to Bellevue Monday mornings for Nuelasta shots! Yay! Hopefully things just get better and better from here on out.

And now for my super hero's of the week!

Barb. Since this is Harry Potter week...thank you again for the wand and making sure I have all the extra magic in my life as possible. So looking forward to catching up next week.

Kevin & Mariah for once again keeping me occupied during chemo. And thank you Kev, for playing chauffeur. It was a long day, and I really appreciate it.

Bruce & Steph. Thank you for hanging out and putting your weekend aside to keep an eye on me and spoil me :)

Almost to the halfway point

This Friday will mark the mid way point for chemo! I'm counting on this next one to go as smoothly and easily as the last one. With the exception of one day I felt remarkably good. I'm not sure if I'm just getting used to things or if it's having acupuncture immediately following treatment, whatever the reason it was a welcome relief!

So bring on the last round of Cytoxin and Adriamyacin...I'll be happy to see you two in my rear-view mirror. The last four rounds are of Taxol, which I've heard that most people tolerate much better than the others. Fingers crossed!

My friends and family rock!

I need to start a public thank you for my All-Stars of the week.

I'm continually humbled by the thoughtfulness and generosity of the people I know. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I associated with the best people on the planet....but still, you are all pretty amazing.

Since I'm a month late in starting this, I have some making up to do!

My hero's this week (and month) are:

Cory, Erika, Mariah, Kevin, Cari, John & Laura, Bruce & Steph, Aunt Patty & Uncle Mark, Kirstin, Mom, Dad, Sue, Cameron, Kirsti, Corrie, Rod, Linnaea, Heidi and Heidi.

Thank you all for the support, food, help with house work....EVERYTHING!!

And more to come next week. I need to start thinking of a way to make it up to everyone when this is all over :)

Tough morning...

This morning has been a hard one, for a number of reasons. The first...I'm a bit sad since I should be getting on a plane to Europe today. I know, I know...just postponed. Still, it hit me.

Number two: my scalp is really sore and tender...a sign that my hair will be falling out any day. It's a strange feeling to have your hair hurt. Hard to explain.

And finally number three: I'm feeling really sick and super fatigued this morning. It's a bit frustrating since Friday was better than the previous week, and Saturday was okay...but I started to go downhill last night. I'm sure it has a lot to do with how hard it's been to get water down this weekend. So now I'm trying to suck down the Pedialyte as fast as I can.

Ouch, late breaking news....I just scratched my head and a bunch of hair came out :( Boy as prepared as I thought I was for this... sucks, I guess this is really happening. Thinking if I have enough energy today, I'll take some scissors to it and cut it to the scalp.

So far so good

This past week was a good one, I felt completely myself, which was a huge relief. Originally I anticipated that I'd be feeling less than normal for the entire duration of treatment. Now I know that I'll only have one bad week and then one good week before it starts again.

Friday, my oncologist was surprised and a bit dismayed at how sick I got and how quickly it happened after my first treatment, but I learned a lot, in how I think it best to manage the nausea. It seems to have worked, this time was much easier...the nausea, while always on the verge of being present, hasn't gotten a foothold. The fatigue however, is still an issue. Tomorrow I have acupuncture and that has helped considerably.

Even though he was not happy about the nausea, Dr. Kovach mentioned that my blood work looked good this week which indicates that my body is handling the chemo quite well. So I guess that's good. It still sucks though :)

This past week brought a tiny triumph for me. No...not my 40th birthday...It was my first week wearing the wig to work. It completely fooled all who don't know I have cancer! In fact, on Monday I was at Seattle Cancer Care for an appointment with a nutritionist, while in the elevator a woman complimented me on my hair. My first response was "too bad it's not mine." I don't think she understood what I meant and made a couple additional comments to which I replied "today is the first day I'm sporting it". She took that to mean I had just gotten my hair cut and colored. "Nope" I told her, "I'm a patient here...this is a wig". The look on her face was priceless. I think she was about to hit the floor...her jaw certainly did! I finally had to tell her how much I appreciated her comments. It was pretty nervous wearing it in on Monday.

I still need to condition myself to not play with it (feels like I'm wearing a hat). I think once all my hair is gone and the wig gets taped to my head will help with comfort. Right now it's held in with clips that kind of pull at my hair and doesn't allow it to fit quite properly.

So that's were I am to date. Two down. Six to go. Man I can't wait for January 14th to get here.

Now I remember why I grew my hair long...

The final product, with wig...errr, I mean, full cranial prosthesis.





Mid way as Jamie cut off the bob created from the removal of the ponytail



No turning back now! Think I'll donate it to Locks of Love.



Before. In hindsight, I should have styled it, or my version of, for the last time.

Okay, so it's done! I now have short hair...at least for another week. I had my friend and hair stylist, Jamie, do what ever it is she's always wanted to do to my hair...because up til now I wouldn't let her do more than trim it and color. By the evening I was "back to normal" with long hair. The wig looks awesome and is exactly as my hair looks after a trim and color. So excited about it and it's definitely worth the cost.

I am a little nervous about it staying put on my head especially at work. I noticed I have a tendency to keep, pulling it down like I do with hats. Need to be careful of that :)

I have to thank my niece Linnaea. This morning she told me I looked cool with my short hair, earrings and the outfit I wore to the pumpkin farm. Even if Cory paid her to say that, it was cute none-the-less, and I appreciate her saying it. It's strange how attached one can be to hair. I knew it was one of the things that made me "me" but the extent of which is surprising...I still don't feel like myself and looking in the mirror is a weird experience. I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I'm certain that when this is all said and done I'll be growing it long again.

Next step, bald. EECK.