Bummer...

I saw my oncologist, Dr. Kovach today. While I've tried to be very upbeat about the pathology results post surgery, I will admit to being disappointed that there was still active cancer found. I suppose that's natural, right? Well, Dr. Kovach was also disappointed...which really didn't do much for my attitude. I think this is the first time I've really felt at all defeated.

Wait, don't worry. I'm not saying that I fear the cancer will come back. Okay, yes that is what I'm saying. What I mean is, is that I am still certain that I have beaten this thing...but it would have been nice to be able to say that chemo killed it all, consequently, I could be fairly certain that any stray cancer spore's that were roaming through my body are also gone. Now as it stands....we can't be sure.

With all that said, Dr. Kovach still says on the spectrum of good to bad, I am on the good side. He has seen patients who's tumors haven't shrunk at all. Mine did. At least by 50%. Perhaps more. It's just not the perfect outcome he'd hoped for. And he did confirm that at this point I don't need a second round of chemo. Phew! Especially since I had my port removed during surgery.

So next Tuesday I am meeting with an Oncology Radiologist to make sure I don't need radiation. Originally I assumed that if my lymph nodes came back negative for cancer (which they did as we all know) that eliminated the need for radiation. For the most part it still does, however, Dr. Kovach wants to just make sure. He's not pushing for it, but feels like he needs to have all bases covered first.

Anyway, radiation would screw up my reconstruction schedule....and force the plastic surgeons to rapidly expand me. That equals OUCH! Typically implants are not done on patients who require radiation. Since that's my only option...well...there's pretty much only one way this can go in my mind.

I also picked up Tamoxifin...the drug that I'll be on for the next five years. I can start at any time. I'm debating whether I begin taking it this week while I'm still off of work, or wait a while longer until more of the lingering effects from surgery wear off....

Next week will be a busy one. I go back to work on Monday, at least for part of the day. I anticipate needing to ease back into it slowly. Tuesday with the radiation folks, and Friday will be my first post surgical expansion. Should be interesting. I guess the fun is far from over.