Tough morning...

This morning has been a hard one, for a number of reasons. The first...I'm a bit sad since I should be getting on a plane to Europe today. I know, I know...just postponed. Still, it hit me.

Number two: my scalp is really sore and tender...a sign that my hair will be falling out any day. It's a strange feeling to have your hair hurt. Hard to explain.

And finally number three: I'm feeling really sick and super fatigued this morning. It's a bit frustrating since Friday was better than the previous week, and Saturday was okay...but I started to go downhill last night. I'm sure it has a lot to do with how hard it's been to get water down this weekend. So now I'm trying to suck down the Pedialyte as fast as I can.

Ouch, late breaking news....I just scratched my head and a bunch of hair came out :( Boy as prepared as I thought I was for this... sucks, I guess this is really happening. Thinking if I have enough energy today, I'll take some scissors to it and cut it to the scalp.

So far so good

This past week was a good one, I felt completely myself, which was a huge relief. Originally I anticipated that I'd be feeling less than normal for the entire duration of treatment. Now I know that I'll only have one bad week and then one good week before it starts again.

Friday, my oncologist was surprised and a bit dismayed at how sick I got and how quickly it happened after my first treatment, but I learned a lot, in how I think it best to manage the nausea. It seems to have worked, this time was much easier...the nausea, while always on the verge of being present, hasn't gotten a foothold. The fatigue however, is still an issue. Tomorrow I have acupuncture and that has helped considerably.

Even though he was not happy about the nausea, Dr. Kovach mentioned that my blood work looked good this week which indicates that my body is handling the chemo quite well. So I guess that's good. It still sucks though :)

This past week brought a tiny triumph for me. No...not my 40th birthday...It was my first week wearing the wig to work. It completely fooled all who don't know I have cancer! In fact, on Monday I was at Seattle Cancer Care for an appointment with a nutritionist, while in the elevator a woman complimented me on my hair. My first response was "too bad it's not mine." I don't think she understood what I meant and made a couple additional comments to which I replied "today is the first day I'm sporting it". She took that to mean I had just gotten my hair cut and colored. "Nope" I told her, "I'm a patient here...this is a wig". The look on her face was priceless. I think she was about to hit the floor...her jaw certainly did! I finally had to tell her how much I appreciated her comments. It was pretty nervous wearing it in on Monday.

I still need to condition myself to not play with it (feels like I'm wearing a hat). I think once all my hair is gone and the wig gets taped to my head will help with comfort. Right now it's held in with clips that kind of pull at my hair and doesn't allow it to fit quite properly.

So that's were I am to date. Two down. Six to go. Man I can't wait for January 14th to get here.

Now I remember why I grew my hair long...

The final product, with wig...errr, I mean, full cranial prosthesis.





Mid way as Jamie cut off the bob created from the removal of the ponytail



No turning back now! Think I'll donate it to Locks of Love.



Before. In hindsight, I should have styled it, or my version of, for the last time.

Okay, so it's done! I now have short hair...at least for another week. I had my friend and hair stylist, Jamie, do what ever it is she's always wanted to do to my hair...because up til now I wouldn't let her do more than trim it and color. By the evening I was "back to normal" with long hair. The wig looks awesome and is exactly as my hair looks after a trim and color. So excited about it and it's definitely worth the cost.

I am a little nervous about it staying put on my head especially at work. I noticed I have a tendency to keep, pulling it down like I do with hats. Need to be careful of that :)

I have to thank my niece Linnaea. This morning she told me I looked cool with my short hair, earrings and the outfit I wore to the pumpkin farm. Even if Cory paid her to say that, it was cute none-the-less, and I appreciate her saying it. It's strange how attached one can be to hair. I knew it was one of the things that made me "me" but the extent of which is surprising...I still don't feel like myself and looking in the mirror is a weird experience. I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I'm certain that when this is all said and done I'll be growing it long again.

Next step, bald. EECK.

1 down, 7 to go

Hey Everybody! This is Cory, Amber's guest blogger for the day. Amber had a successful chemotherapy treatment yesterday. Kevin took her there and brought her back, then Erika was waiting for them at Amber's house when they got back around 1:30. She was doing pretty good, but felt like fresh air helped her feel better. Amber and Erika took a walk with Peko and it ended up being a long walk. By the time they were done Amber was not feeling very well. That is when I showed up, around 5:40. She just kept getting worse and worse. Finally around 8:30 we decided she had had enough and so we gave her the anti-nausea meds plus a sleeping pill. The sleeping pill made her feel super terrible but within minutes she was asleep. The doctor said to let her sleep and not wake her up to give her medication but people I talked to who have been through this before said to wake her up. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, not knowing to wake or no wake but what ended up happening was that she woke up on her own exactly at the right time to take her medication. She went right back to sleep and woke up in the morning exactly at the right time again. That was easy! Today has been great. Amber is super tired and has been taking it easy. She is a great patient and is now, as she says, "toxic"! This definitely is a team effort and I'm so grateful for everybody who have been helping out.

T-minus 10 days til bald

Last Wednesday I was able to try on the two wigs I ordered at William Collier Design. My anticipation was palpable as she started to place the first (and least expensive) option on my head.... Wawawaaaaaa. Oh man it looked like a bad wig. Bummer. Auditions for Hairspray anyone?

Now for option 2. Here it goes, man I hope this looks good.... Ahhhhhahhhhhh. Yes! It was hard to tell where my bangs ended and the wig began. Of course the "luxury" wig is going to be the one! I had to thank William Collier's wife, it was her idea to order this one just in case. It really does look like my own hair when I walk out of a salon. So the upside to this all...a year plus of perpetually shampoo-commercial-worthy hair!

So now, a week from Wednesday (which would've been just shy of two weeks after first treatment and typically when hair starts to go) I go in for a hair 'appointment'. They'll shave my head, if I want, then do the 'cut in' on the wig. I walk in with hair and out with new hair.

Psych!

Friday started off as expected. Lisa and I headed to Overlake at 9:00 for my 10 am check-in and got right into my room, even though they weren't quite ready. The expectation was that I'd be prepped for the port surgery and have to hang out for 2 hours before the procedure at noon. My friend Mariah arrived just after I got into the beautiful hospital gown and then the waiting began. Luckily I had all that company because the surgery before mine was taking longer than expected which meant that I would not be done in time to start chemo. Ready. Set. Wait.

On one hand, I was relieved (Mariah was really concerned about be doing both on the same day) but at the same time, I was mentally prepared to get things rolling. After conferring with the nurse I decided to continue with the port surgery and start chemo next Friday. My options were to go on Monday...which wouldn't work as I have arranged my schedule to do it on Friday's...or to get dressed and have chemo that day and the port the following week.

After talking to Cory, I apparently made the correct choice. Had I started on Friday, the way it scheduled out, I would've ended up having chemo on Christmas Eve...now...it's New Year's Eve. I usually stay home that night anyway, so no worries.

Back to Friday. Finally at 1:30, just as Kevin was calling to find my room, they wheeled me away.
I woke up at one point during the procedure to tell the surgeon "ow, that kind of hurt." He laughed and said "I thought you were asleep." "I was" I replied, "but I just woke up." Next thing I knew I was waking up again as they were wheeling me out.

I have two incisions on my left chest. The smaller higher one was to thread the catheter, and the larger one was used to create a pocket for the port. It's a very strange hard bump in my chest with three little nodules that act as guides for where the needle gets placed each time for chemo.

Here I thought I was going to look like Borg with an external, visible piece of hardware, but it's all under the skin. Very odd looking.

I'm sore. The incisions are looking good, but sting a bit, and there is some pain in my shoulder and along my collarbone. I found that I need to be careful to not flex my neck muscles or chest wall otherwise...ouch! Overall it's not unbearable. I'm still icing but am laying off the Tylenol now.