I interrupt this regularly scheduled program...

Before I get into how my last treatment went, I'd like to take a minute to remember my Grandpa Jim, who passed away the day after Thanksgiving.

It's been really tough coming to terms with the fact that he's not around any more. As those who knew him are well aware he was a larger than life individual. Literally. 6'5" and looked like John Wayne. He was a tough guy externally but a softy deep down.

In his younger days, he was pretty....well....he could hard to deal with (so I've heard), but as a grandfather, I have nothing but wonderful memories. I never gave him a hug, but upon leaving any visit he's roughly point at his cheek and in his big gruff voice demand a 'kip'.

He loved to impart nicknames on the people he cared about. I am Amfat. Or Abber on occasion.

He was massively overprotective. I can still hear him telling me to stay away from the deck railing, not to go down the basement stairs, to be careful petting Bad Kitty and do not under any circumstance go near Rebel (one of my grandparents dogs). Speaking of dogs, I'm pretty sure I inherited my love for the canine from him and my grandma. Rebel, Sandy, Rusty, Rosie (or Ruffles and Rosledosel...even the dogs got nicknames), Rocky, Penny and many more. He loved to tell wildly improbable stories, have fun and enjoy life. He survived lung cancer in his 70s and at the end never gave up.

This is only a blip of the person he was. It would take a novel the size of War and Peace to really do him justice.

It's now a week after his memorial and while the distractions of work and dealing with cancer keep my mind elsewhere, I can't help but tear up again everytime I look at his photos hanging in my hallway.

I miss you Grandpa.

*************************

Chemo number five was the easiest by far. The only uncomfortable thing about it was the Benadryl that I was given via IV beforehand. Instead of knocking me out, it made me tired but wired and jumpy at the same time. I knew there was a reason I never take stuff like that. The main reason for an antihistamine is that the majority of people on Taxol have an allergic reaction in the form of massive itchy. Next week my oncologist is going to try out Claritin with me instead.

Overall I felt pretty normal. Appetite is still good (too good) and while some side effects have changed it's at the moment totally manageable.

And now to the part we've all been waiting for, my hero's of the week!

Kevin for taking me to chemo again and playing chauffeur. It was a long day.
Mariah for hanging out with us at chemo and for my bag of goodies!
Cory for spending the weekend with me and being a great nurse.

Hero's of the Midway

So I'm at the mid point of chemo now....and DONE with AC which also includes no more driving back to Bellevue Monday mornings for Nuelasta shots! Yay! Hopefully things just get better and better from here on out.

And now for my super hero's of the week!

Barb. Since this is Harry Potter week...thank you again for the wand and making sure I have all the extra magic in my life as possible. So looking forward to catching up next week.

Kevin & Mariah for once again keeping me occupied during chemo. And thank you Kev, for playing chauffeur. It was a long day, and I really appreciate it.

Bruce & Steph. Thank you for hanging out and putting your weekend aside to keep an eye on me and spoil me :)

Almost to the halfway point

This Friday will mark the mid way point for chemo! I'm counting on this next one to go as smoothly and easily as the last one. With the exception of one day I felt remarkably good. I'm not sure if I'm just getting used to things or if it's having acupuncture immediately following treatment, whatever the reason it was a welcome relief!

So bring on the last round of Cytoxin and Adriamyacin...I'll be happy to see you two in my rear-view mirror. The last four rounds are of Taxol, which I've heard that most people tolerate much better than the others. Fingers crossed!

My friends and family rock!

I need to start a public thank you for my All-Stars of the week.

I'm continually humbled by the thoughtfulness and generosity of the people I know. Don't get me wrong, I always knew I associated with the best people on the planet....but still, you are all pretty amazing.

Since I'm a month late in starting this, I have some making up to do!

My hero's this week (and month) are:

Cory, Erika, Mariah, Kevin, Cari, John & Laura, Bruce & Steph, Aunt Patty & Uncle Mark, Kirstin, Mom, Dad, Sue, Cameron, Kirsti, Corrie, Rod, Linnaea, Heidi and Heidi.

Thank you all for the support, food, help with house work....EVERYTHING!!

And more to come next week. I need to start thinking of a way to make it up to everyone when this is all over :)

Tough morning...

This morning has been a hard one, for a number of reasons. The first...I'm a bit sad since I should be getting on a plane to Europe today. I know, I know...just postponed. Still, it hit me.

Number two: my scalp is really sore and tender...a sign that my hair will be falling out any day. It's a strange feeling to have your hair hurt. Hard to explain.

And finally number three: I'm feeling really sick and super fatigued this morning. It's a bit frustrating since Friday was better than the previous week, and Saturday was okay...but I started to go downhill last night. I'm sure it has a lot to do with how hard it's been to get water down this weekend. So now I'm trying to suck down the Pedialyte as fast as I can.

Ouch, late breaking news....I just scratched my head and a bunch of hair came out :( Boy as prepared as I thought I was for this... sucks, I guess this is really happening. Thinking if I have enough energy today, I'll take some scissors to it and cut it to the scalp.

So far so good

This past week was a good one, I felt completely myself, which was a huge relief. Originally I anticipated that I'd be feeling less than normal for the entire duration of treatment. Now I know that I'll only have one bad week and then one good week before it starts again.

Friday, my oncologist was surprised and a bit dismayed at how sick I got and how quickly it happened after my first treatment, but I learned a lot, in how I think it best to manage the nausea. It seems to have worked, this time was much easier...the nausea, while always on the verge of being present, hasn't gotten a foothold. The fatigue however, is still an issue. Tomorrow I have acupuncture and that has helped considerably.

Even though he was not happy about the nausea, Dr. Kovach mentioned that my blood work looked good this week which indicates that my body is handling the chemo quite well. So I guess that's good. It still sucks though :)

This past week brought a tiny triumph for me. No...not my 40th birthday...It was my first week wearing the wig to work. It completely fooled all who don't know I have cancer! In fact, on Monday I was at Seattle Cancer Care for an appointment with a nutritionist, while in the elevator a woman complimented me on my hair. My first response was "too bad it's not mine." I don't think she understood what I meant and made a couple additional comments to which I replied "today is the first day I'm sporting it". She took that to mean I had just gotten my hair cut and colored. "Nope" I told her, "I'm a patient here...this is a wig". The look on her face was priceless. I think she was about to hit the floor...her jaw certainly did! I finally had to tell her how much I appreciated her comments. It was pretty nervous wearing it in on Monday.

I still need to condition myself to not play with it (feels like I'm wearing a hat). I think once all my hair is gone and the wig gets taped to my head will help with comfort. Right now it's held in with clips that kind of pull at my hair and doesn't allow it to fit quite properly.

So that's were I am to date. Two down. Six to go. Man I can't wait for January 14th to get here.

Now I remember why I grew my hair long...

The final product, with wig...errr, I mean, full cranial prosthesis.





Mid way as Jamie cut off the bob created from the removal of the ponytail



No turning back now! Think I'll donate it to Locks of Love.



Before. In hindsight, I should have styled it, or my version of, for the last time.

Okay, so it's done! I now have short hair...at least for another week. I had my friend and hair stylist, Jamie, do what ever it is she's always wanted to do to my hair...because up til now I wouldn't let her do more than trim it and color. By the evening I was "back to normal" with long hair. The wig looks awesome and is exactly as my hair looks after a trim and color. So excited about it and it's definitely worth the cost.

I am a little nervous about it staying put on my head especially at work. I noticed I have a tendency to keep, pulling it down like I do with hats. Need to be careful of that :)

I have to thank my niece Linnaea. This morning she told me I looked cool with my short hair, earrings and the outfit I wore to the pumpkin farm. Even if Cory paid her to say that, it was cute none-the-less, and I appreciate her saying it. It's strange how attached one can be to hair. I knew it was one of the things that made me "me" but the extent of which is surprising...I still don't feel like myself and looking in the mirror is a weird experience. I'm sure I'll get used to it. And I'm certain that when this is all said and done I'll be growing it long again.

Next step, bald. EECK.

1 down, 7 to go

Hey Everybody! This is Cory, Amber's guest blogger for the day. Amber had a successful chemotherapy treatment yesterday. Kevin took her there and brought her back, then Erika was waiting for them at Amber's house when they got back around 1:30. She was doing pretty good, but felt like fresh air helped her feel better. Amber and Erika took a walk with Peko and it ended up being a long walk. By the time they were done Amber was not feeling very well. That is when I showed up, around 5:40. She just kept getting worse and worse. Finally around 8:30 we decided she had had enough and so we gave her the anti-nausea meds plus a sleeping pill. The sleeping pill made her feel super terrible but within minutes she was asleep. The doctor said to let her sleep and not wake her up to give her medication but people I talked to who have been through this before said to wake her up. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, not knowing to wake or no wake but what ended up happening was that she woke up on her own exactly at the right time to take her medication. She went right back to sleep and woke up in the morning exactly at the right time again. That was easy! Today has been great. Amber is super tired and has been taking it easy. She is a great patient and is now, as she says, "toxic"! This definitely is a team effort and I'm so grateful for everybody who have been helping out.

T-minus 10 days til bald

Last Wednesday I was able to try on the two wigs I ordered at William Collier Design. My anticipation was palpable as she started to place the first (and least expensive) option on my head.... Wawawaaaaaa. Oh man it looked like a bad wig. Bummer. Auditions for Hairspray anyone?

Now for option 2. Here it goes, man I hope this looks good.... Ahhhhhahhhhhh. Yes! It was hard to tell where my bangs ended and the wig began. Of course the "luxury" wig is going to be the one! I had to thank William Collier's wife, it was her idea to order this one just in case. It really does look like my own hair when I walk out of a salon. So the upside to this all...a year plus of perpetually shampoo-commercial-worthy hair!

So now, a week from Wednesday (which would've been just shy of two weeks after first treatment and typically when hair starts to go) I go in for a hair 'appointment'. They'll shave my head, if I want, then do the 'cut in' on the wig. I walk in with hair and out with new hair.

Psych!

Friday started off as expected. Lisa and I headed to Overlake at 9:00 for my 10 am check-in and got right into my room, even though they weren't quite ready. The expectation was that I'd be prepped for the port surgery and have to hang out for 2 hours before the procedure at noon. My friend Mariah arrived just after I got into the beautiful hospital gown and then the waiting began. Luckily I had all that company because the surgery before mine was taking longer than expected which meant that I would not be done in time to start chemo. Ready. Set. Wait.

On one hand, I was relieved (Mariah was really concerned about be doing both on the same day) but at the same time, I was mentally prepared to get things rolling. After conferring with the nurse I decided to continue with the port surgery and start chemo next Friday. My options were to go on Monday...which wouldn't work as I have arranged my schedule to do it on Friday's...or to get dressed and have chemo that day and the port the following week.

After talking to Cory, I apparently made the correct choice. Had I started on Friday, the way it scheduled out, I would've ended up having chemo on Christmas Eve...now...it's New Year's Eve. I usually stay home that night anyway, so no worries.

Back to Friday. Finally at 1:30, just as Kevin was calling to find my room, they wheeled me away.
I woke up at one point during the procedure to tell the surgeon "ow, that kind of hurt." He laughed and said "I thought you were asleep." "I was" I replied, "but I just woke up." Next thing I knew I was waking up again as they were wheeling me out.

I have two incisions on my left chest. The smaller higher one was to thread the catheter, and the larger one was used to create a pocket for the port. It's a very strange hard bump in my chest with three little nodules that act as guides for where the needle gets placed each time for chemo.

Here I thought I was going to look like Borg with an external, visible piece of hardware, but it's all under the skin. Very odd looking.

I'm sore. The incisions are looking good, but sting a bit, and there is some pain in my shoulder and along my collarbone. I found that I need to be careful to not flex my neck muscles or chest wall otherwise...ouch! Overall it's not unbearable. I'm still icing but am laying off the Tylenol now.

Darn, I'm not a mutant.

I also received the results of the genetic BRAC test. I do not carry the marker that makes me susceptible, if you will, to breast or ovarian cancer. Being that there isn't a family history it's not surprising...but I thought perhaps, I was a mutant and may have super powers :)

This is really good news for Cory and Erika, and for myself...I don't have to worry about ovarian cancer down the road.

I guess this whole thing is a fluke. Lucky me!

Lights. Camera. ACTION!

I finally made a decision last Friday on which oncologist to go with. I opted for Dr. Kovach at Overlake in Bellevue. The reason was simple. Every other week (even at a higher dose) means I'm done sooner. And the "high" dose is really just standard treatment...it's nothing they don't do every day. The other reason is that I have also decided to pursue acupuncture as a way help manage the side effects in addition to the support meds.

Which leads me to the "action" portion of this post. I start this Friday!

I have three prescriptions that I need to get filled by Friday...and have to get a flu shot. And have to get the wig in order. Although it will take between 2 and 3 weeks before my hair starts to go. And...and...oh man so much I still wanted to get taken care of! Originally I suggested I start next Friday...but Dr. Kovach said he'd start tomorrow if I let him. So we compromised :)

Friday at 10 I check in at Overlake Hospital for a quick surgery to put a port in place. That should only take a couple hours total including the time they need to watch me, then I get wheeled over to Dr. Kovach's office and get hooked up for my first treatment. Monday mornings after chemo I will have to swing by his office on the way to work for a shot to boost my white blood cells. Going to get to know Bellevue really well again.

My new work schedule officially begins today! I will be working four tens for the next 6 months.

I'm really ready to get this show on the road, but now a bit nervous that it's actually going to happen. The whole thing hasn't seemed quite real, been mostly academic...til now.

Hair! Long luxurious hair...

I'm a tad delinquent in my post...but I ordered new hair last Friday. Whoo. It's going to be nicer than my own. Kind of excited...and scared about it. I have two "full cranial prosthesis'" on order to try out.

YESSSSSSSSS......

Dr. Kovach, the oncologist from Overlake called this afternoon with results from the PET and CT. All is clear!! The only areas that lit up were the three known tumors. But he did reiterate they are really aggressive based on appearances...so the fact that the rest of my body, and more importantly my lymph nodes, are all clear is a great thing—but that also means I need to figure out which direction I'm going with chemo and get a move on. No pressure, eh? :)

I didn't realize just how nervous I had been regarding the outcome, however, after hearing the news there was a palpable weight lifted from my shoulders. I believe I may have even done a happy dance at my desk.

If I never see another scan...

PET and CT (that's right, I hit the jackpot and got two in one) scans this morning. As far as scans go, they were not horrible. The MRI was a lot harder to sit through...I'll have to post backward and describe the fun of breast MRIs. But I diverge. The thing that got to me today was the CT prep.

Try drinking two good sized bottles of a disgusting, translucent white, viscous, fake blueberry-flavored swill. I think I have a good idea of what Fear Factor contestants go through now. It took me a half hour to get through it all, one tiny sip at a time. I know...common sense says to just guzzle...I tried that after some good-natured ribbing from the technician about how slow I was going...but noooo...that would've had me starting over from scratch. It was all I could do to keep it down. Be thankful I'm not going into the after-effects of this so-called beverage.....

Just when I thought my brain could absorb no more!

Today's appointment with Seattle Cancer Care Alliance was a tour de force. Checked in at 11:30, finally left around 5:30, with an hour and a half for lunch. Dad, Sue, Erika and my friend Lisa (a recent graduate of the UW School of Medicine Physician's Assistant program) were in attendance. There were so many of us that they ended up moving me from my exam room to the conference room :)

For the most part the surgeon and oncologist agreed with the doctors I saw at Overlake in Bellevue, but the main difference is the frequency and overall duration of chemo. As I said earlier, Dr. Kovach at Overlake recommended eight doses, every other week for a total of sixteen weeks. The doctor with SCCA is leaning toward once a week for twenty-four weeks. Whoa! And I thought four months was long.

While the final results of their study on the differences between weekly chemo vs. every other week are still not available, what she could tell us is that patients typically have been experiencing less severe side effects. The reason is that it's a smaller dose of chemo given in each sitting, whereas the bi-weekly dose is much greater.

I like things about each treatment recommendation. I'd prefer to get it done sooner (eight doses vs. twenty-four is big). Then again the lower dose/less intense side effects is also appealing. When I compare the doctors, I definitely preferred Dr. Kovach. He was really easy to talk to and we hit it off right away. The doctor with SCCA (her name escapes me at the moment) was nice and seems very intelligent...but she was all business and wasn't all the interest in levity. Lisa felt, as she took notes for me, that the doctor wasn't listening to me and answering my questions, that she was very roundabout. With SCCA there are world-class plastic surgeons, nutritionists and other resources at my disposal, which is also a plus.

Regarding surgeons, I really dug Dr. Byrd at SCCA, as well as Dr. Clarfeld with Overlake. I really could toss a coin and be happy with either. They were in agreement with how they felt I could proceed from a surgical standpoint, with one small discrepancy that's not even worth mentioning....more of a personal preference than anything significant to my treatment.

Next step is to do a bit more research on the pros and cons of each chemo option. I'm a bit confused right now. Really hoped that today's appointment would provide a clear path on the direction...but it didn't. There is no wrong answer.

The other interesting bit of info: I asked the oncologist today the same question about how long I've had this, and her opinion was drastically different in that she feels based on the aggressive nature of my cancer (yes it keeps getting more and more aggressive every time I talk to someone new) I haven't had it long. She said a few months and definitely not as long as five years. So who knows and I guess it doesn't really matter...it's still cancer no matter how you slice it :)

Okay...time to finish sucking down a bunch of water then hit the hay in preparation of tomorrow's PET scan. Going to be an early morning.

CAT v. PET...who can keep them straight

I was mistaken yesterday, I'm having a PET scan not a CAT. Unfortunately the machine broke down this morning, so it has been rescheduled for Wednesday at 7:05. That was great news because it meant I could keep the crabbiness at bay with a cup of morning coffee...but the downside is that I have to do the crazy very strict diet AGAIN tomorrow. Oh well...just anxious to get this show on the road!

The story thus far...

As most of you know, I was diagnosed with breast cancer almost two weeks ago.

After seeing two surgeons and an oncologist this is what I know: I have an invasive form of ductal carcinoma. It is HER2/Neu negative, which is great and estrogen receptor positive. Based on the size and number of tumors (there are 3 all within a few millimeters of one another) I am a clinical Stage 2. Tomorrow afternoon I am having a CAT scan to determine once and for all what Stage the cancer is at. So far my MRI, ultrasound and biopsy show my lymph nodes to be clear and that it hasn't spread beyond my right breast. Fingers crossed that it the CAT verifies that.

The oncologist I met with last week (recommended to me by a friend) is suggesting sixteen weeks of chemo. That's eight doses every other week, in addition to surgery and hormone therapy for five years following treatment. Right now I'm leaning toward starting chemo first then deal with surgery. Both doctors agree that it doesn't matter what order I start my treatment, and that there is no hurry...according to the second surgeon I've probably had this eight to ten years...can you believe that!?

This Tuesday I have an appointment with Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. It'll be interesting to see what they recommend for treatment.